The Truth Behind His Words
by LovingPipersBoys
Summary: What if Owen was hiding something? What if the reason for his attitude towards Zane and Riley were connected to the secret that he was hiding? Please read and review. One Shot may turn into a story.


**Summary: **What if Owen was hiding something? What if the reason for his attitude towards Zane and Riley were connected to the secret that he was hiding? Please read and review. One Shot may turn into a story.

**The Truth Behind His Words**

My blood is boiling and my rage in uncontrollable as I take another sip of vodka and try not to do anything stupid. My head is filled with images of the times that we shared together and all of the moments where I should have told him the truth about how I felt. There were so many perfect moments, so many intimate situations that make me hate myself for not growing a pair and letting everything out into the open. Sadly, I was too chicken shit to say anything so I played the roll of typical high school jock with a chip on my shoulder and followed my leader in silence. After all I didn't want to freak him out and ruin our friendship. Not being near him at all would have killed me.

I remember all of the trouble that we used to get into. The hazing of the new kids, the fights, the vandalism, the partying, the drinking, you name it we did it. I remember every single second, but no matter how hard our parents kicked our asses for whatever stunt that we pulled that week, it didn't matter to us because we were in it together, for better or worse. I made him smile and he made my heart soar. Damn I felt like such a freaking girl around him but I didn't care. I had the most important person to me at my side at all times.

It was heaven.

We ruled Degrassi High with iron fists and no one ever messed with us and if they did, well let's just say that they never had the balls to do it again. We had each other's backs and we had the respect of the entire school.

I remember all of those late nights with us plotting against the world as we drank and played video games. Sometimes we would watch movies and I would try so hard to control myself and not let my true feelings for him show. It was exhausting. I wanted him so badly but I knew that there was no way that he would return the sentiment. He would hate me if he even thought for one second that I loved him, that I was in love with him. So I decided to play it safe and keep it cool.

Everything was going perfectly. For years my world was perfect, it seemed as if it were unbreakable, like nothing could possibly go wrong. He used to be my best friends and my secret lover, if only in my mind. We used to do everything and nothing at all together and it was the greatest feeling. We used to be so close. We were the perfect pair and I just knew that our friendship was going to lead to so much more.

I smile bitterly at this.

Clenching the bottle of vodka in my hand, I curse the fucking day that that flamer moved to my town and shattered my world.

Zane.

He was the kind of homo that I didn't like. He wasn't like me, strong, manly, well closeted and hidden from the world. What pissed me off the most was that in some ways I wanted to be like him. Not "pretty" like he was, that was the side of him that I hated but the fact that he wasn't ashamed or afraid to let the world know exactly who he was. I was so jealous that I couldn't help but take it out on him. I was saying things to him to make myself feel better. I wanted to see the hurt on his face and I wanted Riley on my side, where he belonged.

At first it worked. Riley was right there, laughing at my jokes and giving a few of his own. Not knowing that I was the biggest hypocrite in the world, but he was on my side and that's all that counted.

Then things changed.

At first I didn't want to believe what I was seeing. He was always staring at him and when he wasn't looking the other boy was looking back at him, MY Riley. I made more jokes in order to hide my pain. I wasn't stupid. I knew what was going on but what tore me apart was the fact that he never looked at me like that. He never smiled at me the way he smiled at him.

I was too hurt for words and it only got worse over the next few weeks. It all started to come unraveled when it was my turn to do laundry for the team. I made it a point to give Zane a pink T-shirt. The look on his face was priceless and most of the boys laughter could be heard throughout the locker room. However my short lived moment of victory was turned back into pain when I saw how badly Riley wanted to run after him.

The next week Riley goes and makes pink shirts for the whole team in an effort to turn around everyone's way of thinking of gays. He wanted them to accept Zane and I was fuming. He was taking his side over mine.

What did he have that I didn't?

What was so special about the Korean boy that Riley would chose to be with him over me?

I didn't understand. I got up and stormed out, throwing the shirt back at my former best friend, not allowing him to see the tears in my eyes. At that moment I decided to do whatever it took to scare him back to his senses. I know how Riley is when it comes to his image so I knew that outing him as gay would do one of two things. It would either destroy him or send him running back to me, telling me that he wasn't a homo and that I was making a mistake. So what if that meant that he would never return my love for him, at least he wouldn't be with Zane either and that was well worth the risk. So I used shaving cream to write homo on his locked and then wrote Riley is a fag on the side of the school bus.

That decision cost me everything.

He was angry and had become the Riley that part of me feared. He punched me in the face and I used the sad excuse that he was lucky that we were on school grounds as the reason why I didn't retaliate. When I walked away I quickly told the guys to go on without me, telling them that I had to take a look at my nose in the bathroom mirror. All I did when I got in there was cry. I missed him so much and now he was lost to me.

After the tears were gone anger set in. If I couldn't beat Riley then I would go after the bane of my existence, Zane.

I threw him in the dumpster and ran right past Riley. I wanted so badly for him to chase me but of course he ran to him.

A few days later I heard about the bachelor auction and my heart sank. Riley had brought Zane for fifty dollars, the highest bid of the night. I couldn't breathe for the longest while, every time I tried it hurt. I couldn't imagine my life without him, without that smile I have grown to love.

The next day in the hall was even worse. I was standing at my locker, trying to escape my pain by burying myself in my iPod and the music pouring from it when I looked up and saw him heading my way. I tried to pretend as if I didn't notice him but it didn't matter because he walked right past me as if I didn't exist and leaned up against the locker next to him. He was smiling at him again and I never knew something so beautiful could hurt so much. They were so close and they looked so happy, it was difficult for me to watch. The next thing I knew they were heading off in the opposite direction when they stopped for a few moments, each looking at the other one with intensity in their eyes.

Then I watched them and let out a small, pained groan as Zane reached out and gave Riley's hand a squeeze before flashing another smile at him and walking off, leaving him standing there dazed and speechless.

He would never be mine.

He belonged to Zane and all that I'm left with emptiness, pain and loneliness.

If only he would have paid attention to the signs. If only he could have noticed the way that I looked him.

I take another long swig and close my eyes as it burns my throat, more tears sliding down my cheeks.

If only he took notice of the truth behind my words…if only.


End file.
